A little about me

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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Monday, May 25, 2015

Invasion of Privacy!

The recent events of email messages from my ex and supposedly rocked my bubble of bliss. Don't misunderstand me, I'm on guard but sometimes I admit, I get relaxed. I also had a friend request from someone and thought the name sounded familiar, so I accepted.

Overnight the person had started friending about 25+ friends and probably more that I am unaware of. Who friends other people like that? It was weird because it was family and random people.

Concerned? Yes! Here I blog about safety and DUH! I didn't follow my own pearly wisdom. I'm still kicking myself. I am pretty sure it was my ex as well. I'm so paranoid, I guess he won those last few. I let him get to me. In my head that is, causing me to twitch, doubt, check and double check my surroundings, windows in the house, the door locks and car.

I had received notice that due to the emails my ex will have be charged with "Invasion of Privacy" ! From what I have read, he could be fined up to $5,000 and it is punishable with up to 1 year in jail. He could take a plea agreement but unsure what that will entail. I just want to be left alone.

What of our Son? Still in the back of my mind I hold onto hope that someday he will come around. I keep him wrapped in prayer. I hope if some sort of jail time is thrown down to my ex, that my Son does not hate me more.

Well, Dear Blog reader, see I do manage to make a mess of things from time to time.  My old insecurities have reared it's ugly head. I can't help but ask myself, what is up with this? I need to remind myself of my mantras-

I am a child of God
I am safe
I am loved
I am...

During the last few email events, Terry and I talked about the situation. He knows me well enough to know when something is not quite right. I just started babbling that I wanted just to be left alone, that I was tired of this and wanted to leave. (AH! Maybe there is "some truth" to my ex's email about running away).

He suggested I use another email or block him. Court papers state I need to have at least email correspondence for EMERGENCY purposes. I just whined that I didn't want to give up my email address. I pouted a bit too. I almost stomped my feet, well I thought about it.

I fidgeted a bit with my hands and could feel panic setting into my chest, he just took me gently and reminded me that I'm safe and he understands. We decided to just forward any crap from Rob to him and he would deal with it.

I guess I'm my own worst enemy. Or perhaps I am still hoping of some sort of sanity to come out of my ex. Some sort of clarity or "Hey Mel, I'm an total jerk and I'm getting help" kind of message from him. Though I have heard it all before. I am envious of those that have ex's that can maintain a relationship with them and share custody. Sounds weird I know! Of course that won't happen. This goes back to can an abuser change question...

So, Dear Blog reader, wherever you are in your journey please know there is no playbook or perfect way to live or recover from abuse.

There is wisdom in learning from past experiences or from others. There is no shame in asking others for help or going to a shelter. There is things you can do to stay safe and trust me you may stumble or fall from time to time but dust yourself off and stand on your feet. You can do it! I believe in you! If you are in a abusive situation please know you can break free. Reach out to a trusted friend or call your local shelter. View my other posts on "Safety lists" or "Safety".

Stay safe and God bless you!


Monday, May 11, 2015

Remember crazy?

mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way.

"Stella went crazy and assaulted a visitor"

mad, insane, out of one's mind, deranged, demented, not in one's right mind, crazed,lunatic, non compos mentis, unhinged, mad as a hatter, mad as a March hare

I admit that I love my new life! I enjoy the bubble of bliss of normalcy. The great feeling I get when I know it's time to get home at the end of a work day, because I know I'm going home to a place I love to go, it's my sanctuary, safe place and my favorite people are here. My Husband, Terry, our Daughters and Son, of course we have the fur babies and feather friends!

Unlike times past, sometimes my past comes up to nibble at my heels, whether memories, a email or text from my ex or eldest Son. Those nibbles hauntingly remind me of how unnatural and unsettling my relationship with in my first marriage. So today was no surprise when I received an email from my ex. The thing is I have an Order of Protection. He doesn't care and does what he wishes. It kind of creeped me out about it, especially that he still loves me and admits to stalking me. The things mentioned in the email are by so far out that I had to shake my head and actually laugh, though the March Hare seems fitting, I by no means make fun at the serious subject of abuse.

I shared with Terry, friends and family on FB, the responses I had received were supportive and shock at the interesting message. I'm sharing it here to bring light to abuse, to share that even though it is "6 years" later my abuser has not moved on, despite him having a Lady he is seeing, he is still not done with us.

Keep my family and I wrapped in prayer and also if you are in a abusive situation please get help! It's not easy to leave and many abusers still attempt to control, abuse and contact victims and survivors. I am going public with all of it! I'm coming out of the shadows of abuse to help others know they are not alone.

God bless~

Here is the email from today. Nothing has been edited or changed:

 Did you get a chance to look at the link i sent you? Do you believe in what it is saying? How about  the end of the 4th blood moon?I must say that I don't think entire destruction will come to America,and a lot of it could be metaphoric, but I do believe that we will not be the country where we once were. as the Bible says,, we will be no more.   As for being a super power.  America is no longer a super power now, and it will get less and less. We are already a Muslim country. The WH is Muslim our security is Muslim. Obama is the Assyrian King. He is doing exactly what he did to bring in the Babylon's. God is going to fight His enemies in His Land. We might be raptured before they completely destroy America. And if we don't the dead will rise first than the living Christians. We still get raptured. The Christians that are being killed right now , their blood cries to The Lord for revenge asking Him to open the seals. It will be soon very soon. Things will happen faster after the sept 28th blood moon. Leaving Obama 18 months left of his term. Even Satan himself knows his time is short. Satan is pissed off. Hitler will look like a Choir boy. Jesus will rapture us before Satan is revealed to the world. It could be Obama or someone from Turkey.

With all this i have decided for the light over darkness. I give you and Terry my forgiveness. That is good news for you up to this point. However i have done much studying on this.where i have grounds for divorce because of your adultery, you do not.so every day you are with him, every time you make love,every day you are away from me. is what some people call ongoing sin. as for how that can be fixed I either have to forgive you each day which I simply just probably will not remember to do. Or you have to fix the problem,and be completely repentive. and where I do not expect you to admit what you have done,or to leave him for me,, to fix the problem, because simply fixing the problem will be to devastating on your abilities.

however reading all that I have read,I dunno or rather can't bring myself to forgive you for what our children are going through. and from what I have been told and from what I have read I do not have to. as is I constantly worried about  our son . He has a hatred for you and Terry that is the darkest hatred i have ever seen. I have literally talked myself horse trying to restore his peace. Trying to get him to forgive you. I would say that the only way to get rid of the darkness that has taken root in are sons soul is for us to come back together. But although i still believe this will happen, I simply can't imagine how, and to be honest the two years before you left where hell..could not understand your relentless drive to force us apart.For sure your not the Christian woman i thought you where..but then again Satan will attack families relentlessly near the end of time . I know a lot of problems matt has with you is you keeping the girls away ..Melinda. .you need to be the one who gives in..the girls need to know us. The only reason I can see for you keeping them away is the fact that when they do come we will learn things that would land you in jail .or worse. .If you haven't mistreated our daughters and you are truly blessed and with god then you should have nothing to fear .

Melinda, If your not in control? Then get word to me .you may have made a decision to live as a slave but are girls did not..we have email from the girls telling how communication is not possible because Terry will not like it...Melinda this is ''''KIDNAPPING'''' Never once should the kids ever feel that they can't call or see us,and yet this is what is happening.
You do realize dont you that this behavior is unforgivable in gods eyes?

Melinda, i still know you.I found you when you ran away at 16 and your still running. I know and saw the loving eyes and heart you have for our kids.I saw you protect our babies. Feed them close to your breast.watch them till the we hours  when they where sick. Where is that Melinda? Is she gone? Why?because i mistreated you? That makes no sense. I am sorry i hit you when you broke the table. That is the only time i remember us getting into a fight that was not provoked. I wish i didn't, but i did. But that doesn't justify your affairs or why you have so much anger. I was hurt thousands of times worse,and i still love my wife.Please don't miss identify your shame for committing adultery, or your disire to look as though you are saving our kids rather then uprooting them for the purpose of covering up your own digressions . The anger and worried felling you feel is not from me .it is from your own actions.
I learned a lot being away from you..I know why i could never let go of the time i found you in the car with that guy from goldblats...you did have an affair, you even admit it to me later, but you left out that you got pregnant from him,hence the reason you did not want to tell your mom..I never saw it,even then you had my total love,and you where unfaithful then. ,,your mom told me the story. ...

I guess i knew down deep..

And then with wanting to be with woman, it was only a matter of time before we slipped into more negative behavior. I should have stopped it in the beginning. I trying when i threw cat out.i tryed to prove my blind love for you.i was to scared to order you around as Terry does to you now. I knew something was going on in the back of my mind .that is why i started with wanting to know where you are more and more..your reaction to this was horrendous.All of a sudden it was one more thing i was guilty of. What it really was ,was a reaction from you because i got to close to the truth about you and Terry. .and before you go trying to correct me about the time table between you and Terry. ..he is arrogant, and told me you had been seeing him since before sue and you broke up,he also told me that you where pregnant once before with him but you refused to have it and did not want to leave me...maybe he is lying to me,but i remember a time that i had even said to you i thought you where pregnant.

I understand you wanting to run away rather than face it all.but now that i know ..why do you still run??
I think you miss judge my ability to love,to forgive, and to enjoy life..I will admit, after you left and initial pain was less ,i did enjoy life more.I found an overwhelming peace, and truths. Some i serched for but some like what Terry told me i could have done without, but it did help me to understand how much you might have been trying to hide. It is all this that keeps you scared.

I once watched you at the court house. For a half hour you and Terry stood buy the windows, and for the whole time he talked and you nodded your head yes..You are being brain washed. I found an interesting insight to this in your emails and postings on Facebook when you tryed to convince the world and yourself that i was the one doing this to matt. That that was the only reason matt would turn against you..lol..the funny thing is i was not trying to point fingers at you at this time .i was just trying to figure out why you went against matt.lol  But i can see now it was Terry pulling the strings, and since he had been brain washing you for years he decided that it seemed doable and that is why you started with all that crap..
the main reason matt is like he is is simply your husband, ,boyfriend at the time pointed a gun at our son ,and you choose Terry over him.

And Terry brain washing you is about the only thing that makes sense when it comes to the 2 years of you coming to me and saying ,,i dont want to be with you,,with anybody, i just want to be alone. .please let me go......only to come back to me in 2 days or the next day and say ..i love you, i really do,and i want are marriage to work..you did this every week..so either you did this on purpose as a plan between you and Terry to metaly destroy me,or your subconscious was fighting what he was telling you. Which is kidnapping.

I go into all this for a reason. .you are now being watched and controlled 1000 times worse then you where with me.and our girls are as well. Melinda, you need to let the girls go.you need to stop using the kids as a link to your last remaining salvation. .i know you see them as a tool....as long as they are with me my actions are justified. Everyone will continue to believe me ,and pity me ,and give me praise for survival. FYI i will say that more than a dozen of your friends have told me your fake.and have urged me to take you to court. I believe that god will lead.. i am praying that god gets threw to you and you let the girls go..i already know your secrets and the rest i just dont care..but i still love you..so i guess Terry with all his plans still did not succeed.

I do thank god for removing you from my life .you where killing me and dragging me down to hell with you. He saved me from that path..but so you know i stand hear with the light on waiting for  gods time to honor his promise to me,and restore my family for his glory.

But know matter what happens between us..this should not be pushed on are kids. .Melinda as their father, i am begging you to realize your mistakes and let them come into my life..if they decide to not come back to you or you find the cops at your door after they talk about what's going on ,,dont see it as an attack, see it as gods way of setting things right..and if that part is BS and they are fine ?then what do you have to fear? Either way it would be god setting things right. so many people that have come to know the real me ,including mutual friends have started asking ,,,what are they doing to the girls that they are afraid to let them stay with dad for the weekend, or hang out with matt.
Melinda i am pleading to their mother. Please don't use them anymore.

And if i made errors in spelling or grammar. .i apologize ,not really my forte.