A little about me

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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Call me Master- Chapter 4 to 6. My story of escaping abuse


Chapter 4

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 

Till death do us part

1992

Now despite all of these events believe it or not we had some good times. Later over the years they would seem to be few and far between. Days or weeks would pass uneventful. 

In these situations, one has a tendency to remain on edge, walking on eggshells not wanting to excite or anger the other.

Weeks leading up to our wedding was filled with the normal nerves, tensions and craziness of a wedding. All the while I attempted to break it off with Rob on numerous occasions. Each time I told him I was done, each time he would threaten to kill my family. He would make it look like an accident or burn they’re house down.

Even on the day of the wedding I wished for a knight on a white horse to carry me away or for someone to object to the marriage.  I said things that day to those loved ones and friends about being happy that I didn't mean.

I felt stuck.

I was sick to my stomach but tried to believe there would be a happy ending. Perhaps this would be a good thing. I brushed off all the bleak thoughts.

After the ceremony, we were whisked away in a limo. While enjoying our first glass of champagne together. I was quickly brought back to earth, from Rob complaining that the champagne was terrible and he was now sick with a headache.
 
He continued to gripe the rest of the way to the reception. After we piled out of the car, he grabbed my arm and told me not to leave his side at all that evening. 

I pasted on a fake smile and nodded my head. We went on the take gobs of pictures. I hoped to mingle with family and friends but Rob demanded we take pictures with everyone. Not that I had a problem with this, Rob was grabbing my arm, whispered a reminder that I needed to stay with him. He still felt sick and head-achy.

It was time to cut the cake and Rob advised me not to make a fool out of him by shoving it on or in his face, embarrassing him. 

After our first dance I was asked to dance with a few others, Rob greedily shook his head no. Any attempts for anyone other besides elderly to dance with me was frowned upon me. I had later broke free and danced a few tunes with our guests and this was met later with scolding.

I went into the bathroom for a few minutes to gather my thoughts and cry a little. The room with was filled with people that I didn't know that were on his side. I miserably just pasted a smile and pretended to wash my hands. I was in a room full of people and never felt so alone.

Afterwards I was asked to join in for a drink or two with some friends, which was shot down by Rob, already accusing me of cheating those brief few minutes that I went to the bathroom.

The night ended on a strained note. Rob was still feeling ill and was tired from the long day. I was thankful for this. I rested in the fact that maybe it was the stress off the day and tomorrow would be a fresh start.

We stayed with his parents for a few months as the house we had bought prior to our wedding was being remodeled. Tensions ran high and I confided to Rob that we really needed to leave to our own place, which he surprisingly agreed. 

A month later we were on our own.

2 months after being alone and married, we had our first fight about me not telling him about bills, the laundry was piled up and I was useless.

He grabbed a fistful of hair; I stumbled falling, trying to grab his hands off my head, I was crying for him to please let me go. He snarled that I was a worthless spic, a pig and whore. He was going to send me back to my Mom.

He dragged me to the kitchen and demanded me to stop my bawling and call my Mom to pick me up. He didn't want me anymore. He wanted her to get me before 4:00 pm or else.

I managed to get to my feet, trembling, feeling stupid as I dialed Mom’s house. 

She answered. 

I heard her voice and hearing my voice crack she asked me what was wrong. I told her the situation. While trying to maintain my composure, he was yelling in the background for Mom to pick up my lazy ass. He kept screaming as I was trying to talk to her.

She said, “What’s his problem?” I explained that he didn't want me anymore and could she pick me up?

“I’m sorry Babe, you married him. You two will have to work it out.”

Click.

Rob was watching me from around the corner. My face must have said it all. I was quiet. 

He asked, “What did she say?”

I managed to croak out that she would not be coming. He let out a huge laugh.

“Even your Mom doesn't want your sorry ass!” He shoved me towards the front door. Yelling, I needed to go anyway. He didn't care where I went. I cried. I fell to my knees, crying and begging him to let me stay.

He looked down at my pitiful form clinging to his leg, demanding me to kiss his feet and maybe he will let me stay.

I paused for a second, feeling his gaze staring down at me.

Feeling disgusted, broken and unwanted, I bent down and kissed his feet. He chuckled, stating if I were a good girl I would get to stay. 

He was going to lay down for a bit, for me to grab a shower as I smelled like a dirty spic. I stayed on my knees, crying, snot running down my face, nodding my head.

He forcibly kicked me in the chest sending me backward. He shook his head, stating I was pathetic.

He walked of the bedroom, slamming the door. I lay there for a few minutes trying to gather my thoughts. He rushed out of the bedroom as though the house was on fire. He grabbed me roughly up to my feet, shouting at me, “Why are you still sitting on your ass, move it now!”

I hustled to the bathroom; he shut the door behind me, yelling to get done now!

I quickly adjusted the water and climbed in the shower. All at once the water went cold. I quickly attempted to readjust the faucet; my eyes were stinging from shampoo I had just applied.

Rob was yelling for me to get done. I hurried through the rest of the shower, quickly grabbing a towel from the shelf. He was counting! I was confused.

All of a sudden it sounded like he was playing hide and go seek. I don’t know what possessed me to hide; I dashed out of the bathroom, hiding behind his big recliner, peeking out to see if he was close to discovering where I was. I squeezed my eyes and silently prayed he would not find me. I curled into a tighter ball for fear and warmth.

I shivered, my teeth chattered, the towel I had wrapped around me hurriedly was soaking wet, I dashed out to hide so fast I hadn't had time to dry.

I hoped he wouldn't hear my teeth clanking together as if they were cymbals, the noise seemed so loud that I swore he could hear them! My heart was racing! He was yelling for me, "Come out stupid bitch!”
I peered out again, straining to see where he was without giving away my spot. 

We had two cats and they were also nowhere to be found. I prayed for God to do something to save me!

I was crying silently and just waited. It’s a small house not even 1,300 sq. feet! I’m surprised he hasn't found me yet!

He was yelling for me! "Melinda! I love you come on! Stop playing! I’m sorry Babe; I just don’t know why I did that to you. I promise I won’t do anything just come out".

I knew in my heart this was a lie! I didn't want to come out, I wanted to run out of the house and not look back. But where would I go?

I slowly raised myself up; I was hurting, as I had been hiding there for what seemed like an hour. I was still hurting from the assault earlier.

I stood up he was in front of me in an instant! He looked at me tenderly, he touched my face so softly and he asked me, "What are you doing weenie? Why are you still wet and cold?”

I blinked surprised and told him because of the shower being so cold, that I was cold because I had nothing but a wet towel on.
He shrugged asked, “Why did you take a cold shower?"

I shook my head in disbelief and I couldn't believe the words that tumbled out of his mouth so cavalier.

I shot back a quick retort, "Rob, you turned the hot water off, I heard you go into the wall and turn the faucet.”

He said, "No, I didn't Mel. I must have just used too much hot water, sorry Babe, now come to bed."

He walked away and I just stared at him, fully aware of the events that transpired. Knowing now I would have to lay with this man. 
Hating the actions I did to please him. Knowing in my heart I was there just as a bed warmer, despite anything he said. 

Despite any syrupy sounding words of endearment he would spew from his mouth. Later that evening he informed me that he had turned off the hot water as punishment for my disobedience. 


Chapter 5

"Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you"-Tumbler



Reality really bites

The next day

Rob had left early on a Saturday morning for overtime work. The night before had been awful!

I was tired of this! I had saved the weekly paper, determined to find a place to live for me and two cats. I humbled myself that something had to give. Rob had no desire to change and I didn't believe I was going to be able to change him.

I hurried through the listings, finding ad after ad, over my budget, no animals or already taken.

I was frustrated when a friendly person not far away near the home of my parents, picked up the phone.

The overly cheerful person let me know that they still had a vacancy; rent would be with utilities at the amount of $1,000.00 with a one month deposit in advance, 1 bedroom and no pets.

I joked that I hope it had a view of the ocean for that amount. He didn't laugh, but advised if I was interested to act fast as these don’t last long.

I felt crestfallen, but managed to thank the person and let him know I wouldn't be coming in for an application.

The job I was working didn't pay enough. I was making peanuts! I also did not wish to leave the cats or have to get rid of them.
I felt depressed, feeling stuck and unsure of myself. Knowing I couldn't ask my parents after the humiliation from the day before. 

I got rid of all my notes and information before Rob came home. Not wanting to give any hints about the phone calls or my thoughts of leaving.

He came home with flowers and an apology for the night before. He didn't know what got into him. I let it go, as I would in many of similar situations in the future. Believing I could never break free.




Chapter 6

“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.”- Rae Smith


Teddy Bear

1994

During the writing of these pages, family members and friends reached out to me to share stories they recall that really impacted they’re lives.

The amount of memories others recall is most amazing to me. Some didn't think about it as more than just a dealing with someone that has issues dealing with people.

My sister, Mandy was really young when Rob and I started dating. Rob had a tendency to hug or hold Mandy, stating that someday she would be “His Bitch” when she was older.

I had told him to stop saying these things; it was making me and her uncomfortable. He would just comment that someday he will need a replacement for me when I get too old.

I was hesitant to have her come over. Almost every visit was filled with some sort of incident that would cause Rob to get angry.

Mandy, had a cherished teddy bear that she had since I could remember. Every time she went to bed, her bear was at her side. By the age of 11 years old Rob had decided that he would “Break her” of needing her bear for sleeping every night.

He took out a small hand drill and he kept teasing her that he was going to cut her bears face, by hovering the drill millimeters near the stuffed bear, taunting and mimicking her.

This went on for minutes, but it felt like hours.

To our amazement he did it! He cut the bears fur down through to the fluff! She and I both freaked out, Mandy began to beg to go home, crying about her beloved bear.

Rob yelled that I couldn't take her. He wouldn't allow it. She was going to stay and that was that! She wanted to call home to see if our Mom could pick her up instead. He yelled no!

She recalls that I sewed him up very quickly; the “scar of white stitching” on his face is a reminder to her of one of many sad times she experienced with Rob.

Chapter 7 coming soon!



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