Now I haven't lost my mind. . . Yet! What do white lights on a tree have to do with anything?! On my path to healing my spirit, there are glimpses of my past. Hurts and these dang burning memories that come bubbling up like water from a spring from the desert.
We are decorating for Christmas, we were gifted a Christmas tree that someone was going to throw away at the end of yard sale this past summer. Terry was so proud of his find and he didn't have to rummage through the trash! (A playful jab because I am the Queen of trash re-purposing- a gentle title I like to use rather then garbage picker)The only thing wrong with the tree is the lights aren't working, so he very patiently at checking and changing each light.
As we had surveyed his work last night, thus far, and while admiring the tree, I trailed off in mid "Your doing a awesome job!" and must have had a funny look on my face because he thought something was wrong. I replied that I just realized that I had never had a Christmas tree with white lights!
My ex had hated the way white lights look on a tree and I was not allowed to hang anything but multicolored lights on the tree! EVER! Now those lights had to be strung by wrapping each branch with lights. I would have over 1,000+ lights on the tree! It would take me hours to get the tree done. No short cuts while doing this or I would have to start all over in his presence.
As I mentioned in previous posts I began to dislike the holidays. So, last night was like reopening an old scab. When these thoughts or memories come up I have found opening my heart and feelings to my loved ones or blogging has helped me tremendously.
Anytime I start bad mouthing myself, oh yes Dear Blog reader, you can put yourself down! That inner voice that holds you hostage by calling you names, making you feel worthless and weak. So when I find myself trash talking about myself, I pause, pray and say positive affirmations. I look in the mirror and remind myself that I am safe. I am a child of God.
I am beautiful. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of happiness and joy!
It can be hard to look yourself in the eye and tell you these things and you may even feel silly. After time these will become really great mantras! Or create your own.
Almost 5 years that we started this journey, while it is not the end to the craziness, the beginning of this wonderful, hair raising adventure makes me appreciate the small things in life. The sound of silence in the morning, actually conversations and laughter in our home. Love and companionship with my now husband, Terry.
Don't give up hope Dear Blog reader, you can be free! Whether it is the realization of the color of the lights on your Christmas tree or how you live your life day to day. There can be happiness. It is a rough ride, tears, and sometimes scary. But all in all it has been worth it! No regrets and no apologizes.
If you are in a abusive relationship or know someone that is, please get them help! Surf the web for one of the many national and local organizations that can direct you to safety. Feel free to view some tips on safety tips and more here.
God bless! Stay safe!
*Find me here- hopewhentherewasnone on FB or healingheartsreflexology- Soon offering Emotional release (Young Living essential oils) and more! Also collecting toiletries for local Shelter- St. Jude House in Crown Point, IN. I do have a booth space at Treasures Hidden in Lowell, IN where 10% of proceeds will go to St. Jude House.