Being a Survivor, it is sometimes very hard to think positively about yourself and the world around you.
Dealing with PTSD, closing the windows, staying under the covers in the security of my bed and home is an option that I never felt comfortable with. Panic attacks that have in some instances crippled me to the point where driving is not doable and coping with day to day life is a reality.
I'm not one to pop some prescription med, illegal drug or drown my pain in a bottle of Rum. Each person deals with the pain and lose of a relationship differently. This is the path I am choosing.
I choose to try not to wander from God's path, but being human I struggle with this
I choose to live
I choose recreate my life for a new journey of blessings
I choose to live more positively
I choose to dream without fear
I choose to love freely
I choose happiness and joy instead of negativity and bitterness
Oh I stumble with this list. And since I have teen's and a toddler in the house my intentions are put to the test, LOL! I brush myself off and get back up.
I had a text from my STBX last night about trying to call the girls to say he loved them and missed them but he couldn't get through. That was a total GGRRFACE for me. Bull hockey! My phone didn't ring and that set my mood off for the evening. I snapped at Terry, J, A and even Mini man. I had to step off and breathe for a minutes. Terry gave me a big hug, had J watch Mini man while I finished with dinner, he helped me in the kitchen and A came in to lend a hand too. (We had a dinner guest)
I was calming down and apologized to J and Terry for the huff. I felt foolish for taking it out on my family. It didn't take me too long to chill out and the evening went much better.
I'm human, I break down, I cry or yell. The point I'm trying to make is that I don't have to feel this way all the time. I don't have to limit myself by being constantly in a happy go lucky mood but to reprogram my mindset to more positive thoughts helps me so much!
I pray! ALOT! I talk to God as much as I can. I'm thankful for the creation of cell phones, because in the car when I am alone I do tend to get very animated and chatty! I live more freely now then ever. And I appreciate this life I was given. I appreciate the chance and changes I am going through. I appreciate my family, friends and you Dear blog reader (whoever you are!). I pray you find your happiness, that you break the cycle of abuse or bullying and you remember you are worthy of joy, having a healthy relationship and you can do everything you set mind to! Believe that if you lean on God he will take care of this.