The smell of rich pasta sauce permeate the air, steam is covering the windows from the huge pot of spaghetti on the stove. She lifts the lid on the rich aroma of garlicky tomato sauce; she stirs the pot and pauses to blow on the wooden spoon before it reaches her lips for a quick taste to make sure it’s just right.
She enjoys cooking. It is a form of stress release and a way of escaping the thoughts of worry that cloud her mind.
The TV is blaring in the background, with kids whooping and hollering about the funny commercial they just saw. All three come racing around the corner of the kitchen nearly knocking her over. She just smiles, they are growing so fast! Soon he will be home and she will have to alert the kids to chill out in case he is in a bad mood.
The dog starts barking madly! Everyone freezes.
He’s home. She panics. The kids scurry to the front room, turning down the TV and shushing one another.
She braces herself and hopes for the best. She pastes on a fake smile and greets him. He’s in a foul mood.
He begins to tell her to undress him. She takes off his coat, takes off his flannel shirt, and unbuckles his pants and hurries to unlace his shoes. She smiles and looks up to ask him how his day was. He ask her, “How the f*ck do you think my day went?”
She tries to stay positive with doom entering her now heavy heart. She smiles again as she helps him take off his boots. He kicks her away. She absently slowly crawls backward.
He stomps upstairs. Sniffing the air. “What the h*ll!” I can’t even come home to food on the table and what did you burn in the oven?!”
Oh my gosh! The garlic bread! She hurries and keeps silent. Grabbing the bread quickly and inwardly feeling shame and knowing he would get upset. And then she remembers the spaghetti was still cooking on the stove. The noodles are super overdone. He’s going to be mad.
Hopefully he won’t notice. HA! She thought, he will.
She emptied the pot with tears stinging her eyes. He was quiet and watching her. His eyes smoldered. Courage took over and she asked him why didn’t he call that he was so close to home? And she said, “I’ll hurry and pop more bread in the oven.”
He just stood there watching. His hands clinched the counter that separated them by 2 feet, of which he would have no problem with reaching over and hitting her. The kids were silent in the other room.
He blows up and says, “Call you?! What so you have time to get the dic* out of your *ussy?”
“I know your *ucking someone.”
He yells that she’s useless! She burned his dinner! She must have done that because she was busy talking to her boyfriend or *ucking him.
The words stinging. She tells him he is being silly. He comes around the counter and angrily dumps the colander in the garbage. He then whips around and tells her to eat the garlic bread as it is, since she burned it. And he then demands her to make him his dinner and not to burn it this time.
He throws the colander at her and she throws her hands up in defense. She could hear one of the kids crying. He spins on his heels, yells that she must have told the kids not to talk to him because they did not come to give him a hug and kiss when he came home.
He pushes her.
He pushes her again.
He stops by the plates on the counter that were to be set on the table for dinner. He throws them at her. She gets hit, stifles moans because he would get more enraged. She catches the kids sneak up to their rooms and she feels relief. She doesn’t like when they see her like this. Huddling in a corner, bruised, crying, whimpering and ashamed.
A veil seems to have lifted, he smiles. Asks how much longer for dinner and he walks to the other room to watch TV. She is still on the floor befuddled, teary-eyed and stunned. The tirade from start to finish was 10 minutes. It seemed like an eternity.
“Hey Honey bring me a Diet Sierra Mist.” He also tells her to have the kids come down to watch The Simpsons.
He looks at her and asks for a kiss as if nothing happened minutes before.
Abuse is abuse. I went through this with Rob for so many years. I left him so many times physically and mentally.
Leaving him was the hardest thing I ever did. Staying gone was the best thing I ever did!
Ask yourself, do you truly want to live in fear for the rest of your life?
Do you want to continually wonder when the shoe is going to drop?
Do you want your children to see what is going on or hear what is going on?
Do you want your children to think that behavior is ok?
Does he/she continually say they are sorry and won't do it again.
The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results.
So believing this person is going to really change is insane!
Believe in yourself!
The sun will rise and set without that person in your life. Someday you may find love again after you have healed. The chances of repeating history is pretty high after you leave your abuser so starting a relationship is to be addressed with caution!
Learn to love yourself again! Do things you always wanted to do. Make new friends! Enjoy your children or your pets! Take up a new hobby! You don't need a partner in your life to put you down or tell you you can't.