A little about me

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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Threats, tears and begging

He was sitting on the steps in our home. He rocked back and forth on his heels as he hugged himself tightly. His hands clenched, face red from the emotions that were raw on his tear streaked face. A moan arose from his lips from time to time.

I had just told him I was done with our marriage.
Minutes ticked by and time seemed to stand still. I glanced nervously at the clock, only 10 mins had went by since I dropped the bomb for the 3rd time that month that I wanted a divorce (Dec 2008, we had this type of scene for over a year, as I told him numerous times I was done).

I waited patiently and with caution. Not sure when bad R was going to rear his ugly head. I tried to keep my mind clear and my body was tense as I was unsure what he would do this time to me.
He was filled with emotion.
"Please don't leave me Mel."
"Haven't I changed?"
"I have been trying so hard"

In an instant his face turned to fury! He leapt from the stairs and grabbed my throat, pushing me against the wall with such force I wasn't sure if my head was bleeding.  I gasped for breath and my composure turned to fear. I tried to pry his hands from my throat. My thoughts turned to the kids. I could see them lingering with tear filled eyes. J, began shouting, "Leave my Mom alone!" He turned to them and bellowed that "Mom doesn't love you anymore, if she did she wouldn't want to leave."
They scurried away quickly upstairs and I could hear quiet sobs coming from one of the bedrooms, also someone hushing the other 2 to be quiet so Dad didn't yell anymore.

During that diversion he lessened his grip enough for me to break free. My neck hurt, my head hurt and my resolve was to not to back down this time. It didn't matter anymore. I didn't love him. My desire to be free of him was so great, my own fear began to slowly fade and anger was taking over.

He stared at me.

"Haven't I took care of you!"
"You leave here, you take nothing!"
"No kids, they stay with me"
"If you leave I will kill them in while they sleep. Make it look like an accident"
"I haven't hit you in months!" ~Really?! What the heck just happened?
"You stupid lazy bitch, I've done everything for you!"
"I bust my ass and work in the heat and cold to give you everything and how do you repay me?" He sneered and said in a high pitched voice. "Oh poor Mel, things get a little rough and she runs away."~ True, I hate confrontation and especially since it would probably end up with me bruised, hurt or with a verbal tongue lashing.
"How about it Mel? You caused this"

"It's your fault that things like this happen"

"Fine leave, go and *uck whatever boyfriend or girlfriend you have been seeing" ~There was never a person. I was tempted and asked but I never strayed while he and I were together.

"How long you been cheating on me?"

"You have been late from the shop and everytime I call you I hear someone laughing in the background."
"Go and say good-bye to the kids and let them know it's your fault we are divorcing. That you are selfish and got to break up the family."

As I walked up the stairs I could feel him glaring at me.(I hated him and myself for allowing this to keep happening) I could hear real sobs coming from the girls room. My own eyes were swollen and teary. I saw all 3 huddled together holding one another. My heart was stuck in my throat. Oh my gosh! Maybe he is right! I scared them! (Yes I did think this)
I rushed to hug them and they held on so tightly. I told them everything was going to be ok. I said the words not knowing for sure if this was true. My son, M, asked if I had to leave and I replied no. I was staying. We all cried.

He had came up the stairs silently, watching the kids and I hugging one another. I could hear him softly clear his throat and then I felt him stroke my hair. I stiffened instantly which caused him to draw his hand back as though it touched something hot. I didn't turn around.

He fell to his knees and said he was sorry. "Please don't leave Mel."
"We don't want you to leave", he said reaching around the kids and I to hug all of us.
"I'm trying Babe, please be patient with me"
"I'll go to the Dr. again and I will let you tell him everything" ~ Lies, he would shoot me harsh looks the minute I would say we had a bad day.

"I promise"

I stayed a little longer. That was Dec 2008 and that was not the last incident. He would bang his head against a wall, punch his fist through a screened window. He would throw things about and threaten to slit the kids throats if I left him (that is why I wasn't surprised when he said that during visitation nor do I doubt that he would do that).

I had resolved that I was going to leave. But I did question my thoughts up until a week before I left.
Now, I know I would not have lived much longer living that way. Either he would have killed me (which I still remain cautious) or he would have really hurt me and the kids or all of us.

I still live one day to the next looking over my shoulder. Trying to talk myself into being empowered and safe. Puffing up my chest and walking around as though everything is normal. In the back of my mind I worry about STBX or my son maybe around the corner.

I have no doubts that STBX will coerce our son to harm me, Terry or the kids. Which leaves me, sadly with very little trust for him.
I still question why the kids still have to see him. Why can we just get finalized in our divorce? Why is this man still walking around when he has thrown so many threats and acts of violence around all of his? I don't get it? It's documented by many that he has threatened to harm us. Sadly something will have to happen to one or all of us for any charges. I don't get the system. I can't not afford to sue or keep going with an attorney on my side.

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