I was called a few weeks ago to pay for my share of Mediation. Of course I was also informed that STBX did not pay and in order to move forward it would need to be taken care of. So I shelled out money with doubts floating in my head. Hope dancing in my brain that my divorce would finally be final before the end of the year. It almost seems like a faraway pipedream.
One of the women asked me questions about our Son, M. She gave her opinion that understandably our son is upset, seeing that I brought in another man into our marriage. WHOA! WAIT! I stammered, quite shocked that she thought that was the reason we split. I was able to regain my composure and my mouth off the ground in order to redeem myself. Not that I needed to! I explained that Terry came into the picture "AFTER" I split, I didn't cheat on my husband or my marriage. She didn't apologize but added what was so bad about our marriage?
I was stunned! The man hired someone to kill me! I almost shouted that but realized I said it louder then I expected. She replied with how do you know this? She began to grill me about details. I gave her what I could and offered for her to call the police dept handling the matter. She then asked for experiences we went through.
I said, where do you want me to start?
He choked the 2 older kids
He called them terrible names and threatened to harm them on a regular basis
He told J if I left him it would be her fault
I have been raped on more then one occassion
I have been thrown down the stairs
I have had things hurled at me
I've been pulled around by my hair
He made me take cold showers- this got her. She asked why cold showers? I was still reeling and hot tears began to well up in my eyes as I can actually relive many of these things in a split second.
Why? I don't know what is in that man's head! I explained I had no clue why he did what he did. But cold water didn't make a mark. It gave him pleasure to see me in some sort of pain or discomfort. I picture him holding me down in the shower, or threatening me or to harm the kids if I didn't stay in the water. Just so he could feel better. She asked why did I stay in the water? I explained the above, letting her know I was scared of him. I was scared of what he would do to the kids or me.
I was no good to the kids dead.
I have had nothing but bad dreams here and there since. I was reminded of times at his sister's pool. He would hold me under water, pretending to just dunk me. Why? For pleasure or because someone ticked him off and then became that person to get even with.
I stood in front of him when he had those wild eyes that chilled me to the bone.
I told her I could not be in a room with him alone. Guess what. Mediation I am having someone come with me. I will not be alone with her, another woman and that's it. Everytime he has had a chance to put his hands on me, he has. I told her that he promised me that someday there would be an accident, the kids would end up dead during an overnight visit. CO2 poisoning, no one would know. Accident. So that is why I have concerns about visits unsupervised with him.
I have not heard further about mediation yet. I am looking forward to peace or at least some sort of closure. God's will, despite my own impatience, this is not for me to know when the end of our marriage will be over. I just pray that it is soon.
No, it's not so I can get hitched, I'm not racing down the aisle soon. It's for my peace of mind and to close a chapter that has taken a long time to close.
A little about me
- Brook, IN, United States
- Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/