If you can relate to any of these things in your relationship right now, then you need to think about your relationship and if you want to continue to live this way with that person for the rest of your life.
You need to decide if you want the pattern of abuse to continue in your children's future relationships (if you have kids). If you can't leave for you, leave and get to safety for them!
I know the excuses. I know because I have been there. I lived it. No, the abuse does not end after you slam to door or file for divorce. In most cases it does continue. Many months after you stay away you realize that those events weren't in your head. You weren't crazy! If you have physical ailments do not be surprised if they either vanish or lessen. Stress does wonders to a body!
Be prepared for your STBX to try any tactics he can to either get you back or get even with you!
He will make false accusations
He will tell others it was your fault
He will tell others "YOU" were abusing him or the kids
He will say "HE" is the victim
He will not leave any of it alone
He will not just go away overnight
He will continue to make your life hell because he believes you need to pay!
You HAVE to be strong!
You HAVE to know you are NOT alone!
You HAVE to want more for you and your children!
You HAVE to know for yourself when enough is enough!
You HAVE to know that excuses to stay (No money, place to live, he will kill you or the kids, etc...) is not an excuse to keep living the way you are!
You CAN DO IT!
You CAN are a empowered person that deserves MORE!
YOU ARE WORTHY! Despite all the negative words he has been drilling in your head!
YOU ARE LOVEABLE!
Be STRONG and stay safe! Make a safety plan, get out, STAY OUT and be FREE! Take the first step of FAITH, go ahead and leap. Close your eyes if you have to, but jump, for your children and for you!
YOUR PERSONAL "BILL OF RIGHTS"
YOU have the RIGHT to be YOU.
YOU have the RIGHT to put YOURSELF first.
YOU have the RIGHT to be SAFE.
YOU have the RIGHT to LOVE and be LOVED.
YOU have the RIGHT to be TREATED with RESPECT.
YOU have the RIGHT to be HUMAN ---- not PERFECT.
YOU have the RIGHT to be ANGRY and PROTEST if you are treated UNFAIRLY or ABUSIVELY by anyone.
YOU have the RIGHT to your own PRIVACY.
YOU have the RIGHT to have your own OPINIONS, to EXPRESS them, and to be taken SERIOUSLY.
YOU have the RIGHT to EARN and CONTROL your OWN money.
YOU have the RIGHT to ASK QUESTIONS about ANYTHING that affects YOUR LIFE.
YOU have the RIGHT to make DECISIONS that affect YOU.
YOU have the RIGHT to GROW and CHANGE, and this includes changing your MIND.
YOU have the RIGHT to say NO.
YOU have the RIGHT to MAKE MISTAKES.
YOU have the RIGHT NOT to be RESPONSIBLE for other adults' problems.
YOU have the RIGHT not to be LIKED by everyone.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.
A List of Rights Commonly Forgotten By Victims of DA/DV
A List of Rights Commonly Forgotten by Victims of Domestic Violence:
You have the right: to joy,
to a life without any abuse,
to make your own decisions about your future,
to be human and to make mistakes,
to change your mind, plans, and goals,
to sleep the whole night through,
to eat what you want when you want,
to visit with family and friends,
to be treated with respect,
to not hide the actions of another (the guilt doesn't belong to you),
to go where you need and want to go,
to love to do what you want (and accept responsibility for that),
to be healthy,
to feel hurt and to cry,
to be angry and to say so,
to say "no" without feeling selfish or guilty,
to not need another's permission to do things,
to share your thoughts and emotions,
to a life without shame,
to be complimented without sarcasm,
to live without the fear of abuse,
to assistance from the police,
to financial independence,
to work in your choice of jobs,
to not be patronized or put–down,
to develop your own identity and talents,
to be safe,to be loved,
to be with a partner that you love and like,
to ask questions,
to change yourself in the ways you want,
to to control your own appearance,
to not be humiliated,to not be threatened or intimidated,
to protect yourself and your children,
to your personal beliefs,
to the truth,
to help yourself to succeed,
to choose your own friends,
to be at least as angry at or fearful of a lover as you would at a stranger who did the same things to you,
to share plans and decisions that affect you both,
to not be interrupted,
to have your thoughts and opinions listened to and seriously considered,
to feel how you feel — not necessarily how you've been told to feel, to be right without being made to feel guilty,
to be comforted by your partner,
to your sexual interests, desires, and fulfillment being as important as your partner's,
to not be harassed by a partner "checking on you",
to come and go without having to "report in" with details about where you went or what you did or who you saw,
to have friends of both sexes without accusations of unfaithfulness,
to fulfilled promises to survive and to live!