A little about me

My photo
Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Thursday, April 28, 2011

A note from a victim

Dear J,

I am sending this to everyone in the immediate family. R included. I have no secrets, I don't tell any lies. Everyone knows I'm a pretty crappy liar. I have known your family for such a very long time! You all saw me grow into the person I am today. Stating that, I would hope you would remember that I am not vindictive, I am not hostile (accept to protect our children) and I am not an abuser. Nor will I ever go back to being R's wife. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and the postcard!

I want nothing more from R. I wanted nothing from the start. Attorney's cloud everything up because of the almighty dollar, greed is they're motto, at least that is the way it seems. I wish no harm to anyone. I want to be left alone. I don't want him to keep driving by my apartment, I don't want any text messages telling me to get back home to my place where I belong. I don't want any texts stating that M and I had some "meeting" because we didn't. I have not been alone or close to M since November 2009. I miss him terribly! The girls don't understand his change, he wanted to be out of the situation as much as they did. The night before we left I gave ALL of them a chance to say they wanted to stay. If they wanted to stay with Dad I told them that was ok. I wouldn't think badly of them or not still love them. They all chose to go. M and I will never be the same, it makes me very sad to read his messages or hear him say mean awful things (though I am not sure if they are him or really R), as it stands I can never be alone with him or R due to the threats of violence. No matter if R insists if he hasn't done it now he won't. He has a way of getting even with people years later. He can hold a grudge longer then anyone I ever knew. I'm sure Sue can attest to that.

I hope someday M and I can have a relationship again but now, R has made that impossible. Matt knows too many details about the divorce. I told R to place a password on his phone and change his email password or make his own profile on the computer that is password protected. Supposedly M figured all the passwords out. I don't believe that. He is welcome to call the girls anytime. I don't sit there with a recorder, I have better things to do then listen. I do oppose to getting any one of the kids upset during the conversations, that is wrong!

I have no doubt he will try to get even physically some day. Right now he may not be able to so he is using whatever means he can. The false Order of Protection against Terry can order him to leave our home. Terry luckily has several witnesses that will come to testify if needed.

Ok Devil's advocate here: Imagine your child has been told they were dead by someone. Would you then drop off your child BACK to the person that threatened them not even a half hour later? That's what Rob did. It took over a week and a half for him to file the Order of Protection. He never called the police. I asked. R will get even with me at whatever means he can for leaving him. He refuses to take responsibility for his actions of the past and present. I know what happened in our home. I have many family members on both sides that will agree that the marriage was troubled.

We do have mediation coming up, I want it finalized before the year is up. We all need to heal and to move on. That's all I want. He mentioned to the GAL he would sign his Parental Rights over. I wish he would! I don't want the hassle of visitations or child support. I don't want anything from him.

He mentioned at the last court date, besides Terry being removed from our home that he wants to split bills. We filed bankruptcy, my provisional order states taxes, home and utilities were his as of the day I left. He was responsible. He had the chance to surrender the house. He chose to keep it so "I wouldn't get half". I don't want his bills, I don't want anything from him.  Nor do I agree to pay them. So this is what will hold up any further finalization. He has no control over me anymore so he chooses to assert what he can through the legal system by lies and false accusations which need to be further investigated holding up finalizing.

Indiana is a "No fault" state. I wish to say that I have not held up the divorce. I want nothing of course, unless he chooses to "try" to force his bills on me then I will file a motion for full disclosure on everything he has and then ask for half. Regardless if he is on unemployment that is the way we will go. I know and so does many others that he gets paid cash. Trouble is that is hard to prove. I don't want to push that at all. I just want to be left alone. Feel free to dispose of anything I left there. I don't want to chance a meeting with him. Anytime I was alone with him he would try something. Take my keys from the ignition or take my purse or something personal or he would put his hands on me somehow. I don't trust him! As for me just causing trouble or trying to get him in trouble. Not my intention at all. If he wants to email or text me about M's health so be it. Otherwise I don't want to hear from him. I don't want him cruising by our apartment. I don't want him sending M to see the girls at school or for R to cruise by the girls school. I take that as a threat that the intention is to harm one of us or all of us.

He promised me long ago he would take everything he could away from me, the kids, and stuff. He couldn't buy me long ago and he still can not buy me. I wish for us to be left alone. I am happy to send you emails from him and "M" since the beginning of this year. They contain hateful messages, or messages that state that I abused him for years. HA! In some ways I wish I had stood up to him a LONG time ago. Maybe we wouldn't be in this mess. Now I have to worry about custody?! He wants custody of the girls so again he can take everything away from me. He knows I live for the kids. I know taking the kids is the only means of control he has. Making Terry leave is another. Asking for me to pay his bills again another way to control. Stating he can not reach me so he needs access to my phone, bologna! I have an email for him, I have the house phone and I have snail mail. There are means to reach me.

The sad thing is that despite me leaving him the kids have to stay, and I wanted us ALL out safe and sadly the law says he has rights to see them. I can not protect them if I am not there. I know he would tell them not to call me while I was at the shop and he would threaten them. He would threaten not to love them or tell them it was their fault if I ever left him. What sick bastard does that? These are our children! I ask again for him to put his Big Boy pants on, "Man up", become a great Dad for them and not to lay a hand on them or tell them mean things again. Take them to places, play games with them, love them and just be the man he always wanted to be.

Family Violence has Honeymoon stages please read my blog at http://www.hopewhentherewasnone.blogspot.com/, R even said himself back in 2009 that he was sorry that he did the things I mention in my blog and that they are all true! He needs to be accountable for his actions from now on. I forgave him. I want to move on. I can't get rid of the nightmares, panic attacks and jumpy feelings. I don't hate him, I hate his behavior. I wish him well. I wish him to be happy and to move on. I wish he would be a wonderful Father all the time, not just for appearances. I never cheated on him, despite it all. I had invitations, considering the lifestyle we were in. I said no. Despite it all I wanted it to work, I really did. I loved him with all my heart. He broke it so many times. After awhile I stopped believing his apologizes. Again Honeymoon phase and then it would repeat itself over and over. Like a bad fashion trend. Sorry this is so long. I hope to one day have a civil word again with you. But I know you need someone to help you out so you are listening to him and believing him. That's ok. I will always love you and B for everything you did for me! Thank you so very much! You were a Mom to me when there were times I didn't have one. We laughed, cried and had moments of craziness. Thank you for helping me and the kids. God bless. And Good bye R...

Sincerely,
Mel

**********************************************************************
Of course I have a few messages from him, saying my note is "entrapment"?

The definition is:
A person is 'entrapped' when he is induced or persuaded by law enforcement officers or their agents to commit a crime that he had no previous intent to commit; and the law as a matter of policy forbids conviction in such a case.
However, there is no entrapment where a person is ready and willing to break the law and the Government agents merely provide what appears to be a favorable opportunity for the person to commit the crime. For example, it is not entrapment for a Government agent to pretend to be someone else and to offer, either directly or through an informer or other decoy, to engage in an unlawful transaction with the person. So, a person would not be a victim of entrapment if the person was ready, willing and able to commit the crime charged in the indictment whenever opportunity was afforded, and that Government officers or their agents did no more than offer an opportunity.
On the other hand, if the evidence leaves a reasonable doubt whether the person had any intent to commit the crime except for inducement or persuasion on the part of some Government officer or agent, then the person is not guilty.
In slightly different words: Even though someone may have [sold drugs], as charged by the government, if it was the result of entrapment then he is not guilty. Government agents entrapped him if three things occurred:
- First, the idea for committing the crime came from the government agents and not from the person accused of the crime.
- Second, the government agents then persuaded or talked the person into committing the crime. Simply giving him the opportunity to commit the crime is not the same as persuading him to commit the crime.
- And third, the person was not ready and willing to commit the crime before the government agents spoke with him.
On the issue of entrapment the government must prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the defendant was not entrapped by government agents.

************************************************
I am thinking that maybe he needs to stop throwing big words around unless he knows the definition!

No comments:

Post a Comment