A little about me

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Brook, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Repost- Someone I think you should know- Lydia

You can find this original post here: Someone I think you should know- Lydia

I have been honored to  share several stories of inspiration over this past year. 

Lydia has always been someone I admired, with her amazing smile, enthusiastic outlook on life.  She has been a wonderful voice on the phone when I needed to vent about my own story, afterwards, she opened up, privately, about her situation.

No one would ever know of the personal agonies that hide behind her cheery attitude. 

Sadly, Lydia's story mirrors many victims experiences.

The sensitivity of the following Guest post about Abuse is being labeled with a 'Trigger warning' and not for anyone under 18 to read, unless permission from a parent.

As always, I hope this Lydia brings you inspiration and understanding about a very secretive subject.


I met my husband when I was 26.  

He lived upstairs from me at the apartment I was renting.  I would sit outside on the steps to read ironically, about the time he came home from work each day.  He began to earn my trust by talking about the books I was reading.  

When there was a small fire in the building, we had to move.  We went our separate ways for a while, but he would show up in random places:  at church, at the grocery store, etc.  I didn't realize he was following me.  There were so many coincidences.

I began a new job.  A few weeks later, he just happened to start working there, too.  That's when we started going to breakfast together after work.  He was so charming at first.  

A few months later (This all happened so fast!), he was having trouble finding a place to live.  I thought we were just friends, so I invited him to be my roommate.  I made it clear that our relationship was not going to be sexual.  Even so, he continued to be charming and we started to date.  

Another few short months later, he gave me a ring.  

He was asleep when I came home from work.  When he heard me come in, he popped his hand out of the blankets and in his hand was a ring.  I said yes.  He was still charming.  

Our wedding was a few weeks later.  His charming facade fell away on our wedding night. He changed from this charming, loving guy into an angry control-freak. More about this later.


I inquired whether she had an alarm that went off in her belly, 'Gut instinct'. She states:

Yes, it did.  However, I did not recognize it.  I had been abused by my parents and had therefore not learned to recognize that signal.

Sadly, she is no stranger to abuse. She shared a time in her life when she experienced a dark time:  

Back to the wedding night and honeymoon.  On our wedding night when we arrived at the hotel, I went to the bathroom to change out of my wedding dress.  I heard glass shattering outside the door.  

Somehow, he had broken our wine glasses.  The glass was all over our clothing in our suitcase.  Unbeknownst to me, glass was also on him.  He didn't tell me that there was glass in his penis, yet he proceeded to initiate sex with me.  

As we began, I felt the pain, but since this was my first sexual experience, I thought I should expect some pain.  Soon I discovered the blood.  When I discovered the blood, he began to go on and on about the glass in his penis, yet I was the one bleeding.  I got the glass out of my own body while he proceeded to be angry about the glass in his penis.  I was so confused.  

Where was his anger coming from?  

Why was he angry with me?  

Then, he started laughing and showering me with affection.  I was bleeding so much I wanted to go to the ER.  He begged me not to, saying it was too embarrassing. I listened to him, but was still confused by the change from anger to the love bomb.  I went on as if nothing happened.

On the next several days of our honeymoon, he continued to switch from anger to love-bombing. I continued to be confused, but any attempt to talk to him about the confusion was turned on me stating I was just being silly or oversensitive.  He would also talk in circles, arguing.  He would be arguing without any real point to his argument.  He would change topics often.  

No matter what point I made, he would turn the argument against me.

I asked if at any point in either of any of her situations, did she ever cry out for help to anyone, counseling, help from church or law enforcement? Did anyone ever guess something was off? 

As a child, I once called DCS, asking for help.  When there was an investigation, my parents sweet talked their way through it and threatened to send me away themselves if I ever did it again.  My mother said she would show me what abuse really was.  For the next several months, she emotionally abused me.

When I was married, I no longer recognized abuse as abuse.  

I began to think it was normal.  

Many people, including my ex-husband's parents tried to warn me not to marry him, telling me that I didn't see his true colors.  A friend of mine told me that he was manipulative, controlling, and downright creepy.  

I just didn't see it myself.  

I didn't want to see it.  

Because of the abuse from my parents, I didn't feel lovable.  Here was this man showering me with love.  Sure, he got angry easily, but the love is what I craved.  

I married my self-esteem.  

What kept you going forward?  

When I was a child, hope for a future kept me moving forward.  I did well academically.  I sang well, too.  I was smart and talented.  I knew I would do well in college, and I did.  I had hope for a future that began to come to fruition.

When I got married, that future came to a screeching halt.  My abuser made sure I didn't succeed as a Lutheran Deaconess.  He made sure I didn't participate in vocal performances or choir.  What kept me going then were my children.  I began to hope for their futures as I once hoped for my own.

The questions I hear often is, "Why did you stay?". What were the reasons you stayed?  

First, because of my religious beliefs, I stayed because I did not believe that God wanted me to divorce.  I didn't realize that God also wants us to flee from evil.  I couldn't recognize the abuser as being evil.  

Second, I stayed because of my low self-esteem.  I didn't think that anyone else would love me.  I didn't think I was worth much.  At least I got the love bombs from my abuser.  But over time, those doses of "love" were fewer and farther between.  I didn't know that his "love" was not love at all.  I didn't realize that he was love-bombing me to keep me under his control.

Some victims of abuse do transition into recreational drugs/alcohol, depression, emotional issues or health issues. Had any of these affected you? How are you dealing with your issue and how are you at this point?

I experience depression, even now.  I used to cut in response to the abuse.  I didn't want to, or couldn't lash out at my abusers, so I took it out on myself by cutting.  In order to stop cutting, I began smoking.  I still smoke on and off today.

Children can have various health issues that may not been seen right off the bat as related to abuse. I inquired how her children were handling this situation, she responded:

My children are emotionally delayed.  My son has autism, but I often wonder how many of his symptoms are autism and how many are PTSD.  He has high anxiety and experiences depression.  He goes back and forth between wanting contact with his dad and wanting nothing to do with him.

My daughter has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  She displays many behaviors that are similar to her father's.  I remind her often that she is not her father.  She has an explosive temper, but is generally the most big-hearted, loving soul.  She has PTSD as well and has recently been making connections between her emotions and what her father did to us.  It is a privilege to watch her begin to heal. 

She is taking the following steps to keep her children and herself safe:

First, I divorced him in 2018.  We are working on our third consecutive protective order.  I have changed our phone number multiple times.  We have a safety plan in place that involves simply calling the police if the abuser shows up and then either exiting the residence to find a safe place, or going to a locked room while speaking to the police.  

Have family and friends been supportive once they have learned of your situation? Did the situation break your relationship with loved ones due to disbelief or fear they have for your abuser?

My family doesn't recognize abuse as abuse because of the abuse we experienced as children.  They are supportive as they can be at this point in everyone's recovery but only one of my siblings can bring herself to call it abuse.  

With friends, I have been blessed.  I reconnected with old friends after the marriage and have rebuilt friendships that were paused while I was married.  I have made new friends with folks who helped me recognize abuse for what it was and stuck with me through it all.

Do you think he will change? If he does, would you go back?

NO! and NO!  Even if he were to change, I can never trust that it is genuine.  

Where do you see yourself a year from now?  

A lot can happen in a year.  

My daughter's healing will likely progress and I expect to see fewer behavioral episodes.  

My son will be less anxious as he begins to trust that the abuser will not be in the picture.  

I will trust myself more as I consistently keep the abuser out of the picture.

How much has you life and have you changed since leaving your abuser?

First and foremost, we are safe.  My health has improved since leaving.  I was having daily seizures and could barely walk, think, or speak much while married.  I haven't had a seizure since the divorce.  While slow at first, I began to walk steadily and think more clearly.  Once the recovery got underway, things moved rather quickly.  I was able to start driving, moved to a new residence and began working part-time.  

My self-confidence is still growing and I believe I am worthy of genuine love.  

My kids went from cowering to looking people in the eye and finding their own voice.

What would you advice can you give to someone that is suffering in silence?  

I would recommend that they find someone to reach out to.  My church helped me so much. Find someone who believes you and can connect you to services such as an advocate.  If the first person you reach out to doesn't believe you or is unable to help, find another person.

I also want to add, that my primary support person is my Pastor.  He saw through the abuser's lies and gently led me out of the prison of abuse.  

Yet, it wasn't my Pastor, but it was God working through him.  God can use anyone to be that person who can lead the way for someone who is still suffering.

Lydia advised that she is open to for contact, if you Dearest Blog reader, would like to discuss her story further. She can be reached at: confessionalmama@aol.com







For help in a abusive situation call-
The National Domestic Violence Hotline-
1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Stay safe and God bless!

How I met the love of my life


I finished my book and hope to have it finalized before the end of the year! 

I've had a wonderful support team help in proofing it and can't thank them enough. They did offer a suggestion...

How in the world did Mr. Awesome (Terry) come into the picture?

I hadn't gave that much thought, until they mentioned it. 

Well! We met via the antique shop I managed with my ex. Terry came in for consignment,with his Sister one evening as I was getting ready to close. His Sister explained that he needed to downsize his home. 

His plan was to sell everything and travel the States. He was also waiting for a job offer to come through. This position was with the government and had already taken a number of months to submit paperwork and an impressive background check.

He liked the shop well enough and decided to allow me to sell his stuff. 

Now, I was still married to my ex and my mind was not on filling my empty heart with another. Though Terry had dreamy eyes (He still does!)

I advised my ex that we had a new guy coming in. I was immediately peppered with questions about Terry's appearance. If I thought he was good looking and the like.

I managed to sell quite a bit of Terry's items in just a few months and he made a wee bit over a grand in just a little time. 

Terry and his brother had went out to celebrate after receiving his first consignment. He gave me a phone call to thank me for all my help. I, so happened to be out with my Son down the street from our home for karate lessons when the call came. 

We chatted briefly. I felt flushed and anxious as I knew Will would possibly check my calls when I arrived back. 

Sure enough he checked my cell and began to interrogate me about who it was. Why did he call? Was I screwing around with him? And so on. This went on for several hours. I adamantly was not having an affair with Terry or anyone else.

Will finally let it go for the night. 

The next day I was called by Will about 4 times an hour, throughout the day to grill me if Terry had shown up. He made a few threatening remarks and of course I was a mess the whole day.

Terry and his brother happen to show up with more goodies to consign. He asked how I was and for some reason the flood gates opened and I just started crying. 

I apologized about not being professional and losing it. He gently told me "No worries". I left them to finish unloading, so I could compose myself. 

I was embarrassed! I didn't intend to breakdown, much less in front of a stranger. Terry finished and came up to the desk. He apologized if his call got me in hot water and said if I ever decided to leave the guy to give him a call. He would be happy to buy me a celebratory drink. 

I thanked him and that was it. I didn't give the exchange any further thought. I would be lying if I didn't want to just rush off with this guy. He seemed so easy going and he made me laugh every time we chatted. 

When Will came to the shop and Terry was around or if he would see him coming into the shop, he would make me go upstairs. We kept stock and other random things up there that was not open to the public. He would call me down when Terry left. 

A few times I heard Terry ask for me, but Will would say I was busy. Will would later mockingly say "Your boyfriend stopped by. Why does he ask for you Mel? Is that because your seeing him?" 

Several months after leaving Will, I had finally decided to call my dearest Friend, Darlene. She had been a good source of solace, friendship and sounding board. I trust her with my life. I mean that! She's my 2nd Momma.

So, we talked about getting together for a evening. I did call Terry for giggles and another friend. Terry was surprised to hear from me, as well as to the news that I was no longer with Will. He promised he would buy me that drink to celebrate. 

Subject change. I've mentioned that I advise against taking up the party lifestyle, drinking and so on. I only do this because of little experience, as small of a window that it was. Do as I say, not as I do! 

Back to the story!

I met Darlene, having 1 Captain and Morgan. My Sister got me hooked on them. I am a light weight! I don't drink a lot. Too much hurts my stomach. So, I am lucky if I get 3 down. Also, I have found through some research my Lyme Disease does affect the body. There I go again, back to the story again.

So, I'm several sheets to the wind after 1 drink. Terry shows up and he converses with Darlene about my state. 

By the way, I am a cheerful person and this amplifies when I've had a few. I sing, dance and laugh a lot (without drinking) figure in drinking. OH BOY! I've been told I'm a blast. Mind you, this is after a drink or 2.

He advises Darlene he will get me some coffee and food in my belly. She leaves me hesitantly but I recall he giving me a hug and telling me to call her the next day if I remember.

Terry took me down the road to a restaurant. I unloaded again! I didn't leave anything out. I told him about the abuse, the swinging, affairs Will had, our cooties (HSV2- Herpes Simplex 2), and my thoughts about running away to a commune or somewhere in the woods to go off-grid. Believe it or not that guy didn't run away screaming. 

I felt relieved. I sobered up pretty well. We talked for hours. We parted ways, but before doing so, he asked me to text him so he knew I made it home okay.  

I texted him and he asked if it would be okay if he could maybe chat with me again or if I would consider going out on a real date sometime. I said sure. I didn't want to sound too eager. The madness of Will was still a huge part of my life at this time. Jumping into a relationship wasn't something I wasn't sure I wanted to do. But, I admit, I really liked Terry.

He called me the next day! He asked if I would go on a day trip with him. It would be a surprise.

We met early in the morning for breakfast. Then we went to go Antiquing! He didn't think I got a chance to do so since I was at the shop about 7 days a week. 

Afterwards we had lunch at a cute little greasy spoon. He said he had another surprise trip in mind. 

I mentioned to him during my drunken rant that of things and placed I hadn't seen or done. One of the places I mentioned was a Casino. So, he took me to Four Winds Casino. It was about a 40 minute drive. He gave me money to play. I lost it quickly. 

Our day lasted from 8:00 am til 10:30ish. I didn't want to it to end! I had a great time. 

He called me for another date and we were Peas in the pod since then! 


Terry became my rock for me when I wavered. He has gallantly helped me through some knee knocking situations during tough times. 

He's wiped my tears, been a big protector of us, made sense of what seemed like insanity. Most importantly, loved my children, even when it was tough to do so. Even now, 8 years later, my heart still skips a beat when I see him. I love him more everyday. 

I'm grateful the Lord opened my heart to love again. It could have been a different situation if I found another like my ex, as so many victims find. 


So, dearest Blog reader, I hope hearing this helps. I pray it aspires your to believe in a "Happily ever after..." It is attainable to find your Mr./Ms. Awesome. Don't give up!

Remember, I BELIEVE IN YOU!

Big hugs!
Mel





Sunday, July 30, 2017

Marriage, birth and death

Image result for feeling isolated

I felt very isolated during my relationship with Rob. He seemed to drive a wedge between many of those around me, that I craved a friend desperately.

Any poor telemarketer, door-to-door sales person or Jehovah Witness didn't have a chance if they called or rang our doorbell.
As the kids grew a bit older I had taken it upon me to busy the kids and me with, a stay at home Moms group that I founded and was the president for. Later I moved into a position of coordinator for the state of Illinois. I later stepped down as the President and Coordinator as a member of the group was approached by Will for an affair.

I was devastated! I had enjoyed the position, feeling good about myself and that I was making a difference with other Moms that needed friendship as well.

Will had demanded my time be taken up with lists of house chores, errands and time with him when he arrived home at the end of a long day. Even though I tried to gain normalcy by participating in the school board, scout leader for both my daughters and son, it was in vain. During events or meetings he would do everything he could to make sure we were not out long by calling me constantly, yelling or berating me to get home with threats of harm if I didn't arrive by a certain time.

Invitations by friends and family were declined. I was asked to be a Bridesmaid for one of his cousins and later a high school friends of ours that were getting married. Will was not asked, so naturally I was forced to decline. He was furious that his friend since they were 6 years old hadn't asked him to be part of the wedding at all!
He insisted that everyone was against him. He declared that I would be spitting in his face if I said yes. A few years later, when my friend from high school announced she was expecting and could I be the Godmother, Will was once again upset he was not asked. He did not allow me to say yes, citing once again that he was being shunned.

I was hurt. Will refusing me to even go to these affairs, much less bring a card. We did go.

Any event was always awkward. Will never truly allowing us to have fun. Any time someone talked to me quietly, Will assumed it had to be about him and it must have been something untrue or mean.

It wasn't uncommon to leave a gathering in the middle or with Will in a huff about this or that. All the events he blew out of proportion or he made things to be more than they were.

I missed many funerals.

Who doesn't want to go to one of these right? I’m not being weird. I missed the wake and funeral of my Grandma Lorraine. I missed other family members and friend’s sad time as well. Why? It took too much time away from him or he would complain that we didn't know the person that well.

My friend that I mentioned from high school lost her Dad, I attempted to reach out and help her as best I can. During the wake, Will called me every 10 to 15 minutes asking when I was coming home. He was also accusing me of fooling around rather than going to comfort my friend.

After time, invitations stopped coming. No one wanted Will to attend because of his escalating and erratic mood swings.

I felt alone, angry and depression settled over me, like the darkness of the time early in the morning.

Are you hungry?

Image result for Beef Sandwich from Pop's Crown Point

Spring 2008

It became ever increasingly apparent to those around me that something was going on behind closed doors.


Will was losing control while we were in public. A laundry list of incidents became more and more noticeable. Though, no one said a word. If anyone raised an eyebrow, Will would shoot a cold glance at them, causing any comments about the incident to fall by the wayside. 

A good deal of those saw me on a regular basis managed to pull aside from time to time to ask if I was okay. Many times anything that was done in public would include threats about what would happen when he and I were alone at home or he would pinch me, hard.

I grew close to a Darlene, whom I am still close to today, she is like a Mom to me. She saw and over heard many of the exchanges.

Though she never said anything out loud, there was an occasion where she would say something snappy to de-escalate the situation.

My favorite fast food had really good beef sandwiches that I couldn't help but stop and grab before I opened the store, also ordering one for Darlene for lunch, randomly on a Sunday at lunchtime. She would often return the favor by surprising me with a yummy beef, waiting for me on the front counter.

One Sunday afternoon, she had stopped off and said she brought me a sandwich! I was tickled, the smell of the drippy, soaked beef sandwich and fries caused my stomach to grumble! I couldn't wait to dig into it, the store wasn't very busy at this time, so I eagerly took a bite. No sooner then I started chomping did the front door open and Will walked in. He had gotten off work early and decided to surprise me by dropping by. He quickly walked to the front desk, demanding to know where did I had gotten the sandwich.

I shuffled my feet, nervously wringing my hands, feeling beads of sweat forming above my eyebrows. I had an upset churning in the pit of my stomach. Will, barked back that I was getting fat why the hell was I eating junk food? I told him Darlene had bought it for me.

“You’re not eating this!” He proceeded to pick up the beef and eat it.

I was flustered, I had barely squeaked out a sound to protest, when Darlene had come from the back of the store, seeing Will interrogating me about lunch, she said, “Hey! What’s wrong? I bought that for Mel!” She walked up to the counter and added that if he was hunger he should get his own lunch!

His face turned crimson in the matter of a millisecond. I interjected that I wasn't that hungry and appreciated her kindness, hoping to soften the situation.

Darlene had looked at me, her eyes seemed to ask if I was okay. I nodded and she walked away. Will had left about a half hour after storming in, with a full tummy and a reminder that I would have to speak to him later about this situation. He said I must be bad mouthing him when he wasn't around.

I breathed a sigh of relief that he was finally gone, calling the kids to alert them that Will was on his way home, to pick up the house and make sure to play well.

Darlene came to the front and noticed Will was gone. She asked me if I was alright and asked me if I really was not hungry. I shook my head. She could tell I was visibly upset. Deep in thought for a moment, she said that he was an asshole for eating the sandwich and treating me badly. She gave me a big hug, letting me know if I wanted to talk she would listen and that I was too nice to be treated the way he treated me.

Every time he left a situation or gathering, the air seemed lighter and the mood was lifted!

I worried myself sick on the way home about what was to come. I dreaded the trip home. When I walked in the situation seemed to be forgotten until later that night in bed, after the kids were sleeping. I had hoped he would have dropped the whole incident. He told me that I was not accept any food from anyone and forbid me to speak to Darlene as she is turning me against him. If he ever caught me talking to her other besides talking about the store, he would kick my ass.

He moved quickly, straddling me holding down my wrists, his full weight over 280 pounds coming directly down on me, he was angrily repeatedly telling me to say that I agree with him to never talk to Darlene.

I defiantly turned my face away from his gaze, saying nothing. He roughly grabbed my face with one hand and my neck with the other, chocking me. He was yelling that I was a bitch. Perhaps I was fucking Darlene and was planning on leaving him for her.

Spit was running down his lips covering my face. I clawed at his hands with my free hand, bucking and trying to twist him off me.

I panicked, furiously trying to save myself, thrusting, scratching and kicking to no avail.

I began to feel light all over, I couldn't breathe, and felt as though I was suddenly in a tunnel, seeing his outline fuzzy and faint.

I woke up several hours later, sore, hurting, scared, hearing him snore next time, I breathed a sigh of relief. I slid out of bed as gently and quietly as I could, hoping the weight leaving would not wake him.

I tiptoed into the bathroom to survey the damage, hearing the heavy sounds of breathing from the other room.  I softly closed the door behind me. I checked myself in the mirror. There were hand prints on my neck, which was sore and raw. My face was marked with dried spittle and tears. I had dried blood on my lip, not recalling how that happened. My wrists were bright red in spots from being held down. I was still felt light headed.

Suddenly, the house grew quiet, I paused like a deer sensing danger, all at once the door swung open and Will walked in, staring at me.
He shuffled past me to use the bathroom and said, “Good morning! Sleep well? I slept like a rock.”

“Hello? You okay?” He asked with a deep concern etched in his face.

“I’m fine, just going to wash my face and get moving.” I advised.

“Well you look like hell Mel, what did you do? Whatever it was you better be careful.” He nonchalantly walked past me.

wasn't surprised. This was typical after an assault. I busied myself with getting myself together, making sure to wear something to cover my neck and long sleeved.

I had to open the store in a few hours. I felt as though I wanted to just stay home and lick my wounds.

couldn't. It would not be allowed.

I told the kids that I would be leaving soon; ordering them to eat breakfast, clean up and to play outside rather than play video games or watch TV.

The kids had no idea what transpired. We had a whole house fan that was used regularly also Will regularly played the radio loud to get to sleep, so they didn't hear many of the altercations that happened between Rob and me.

I gathered my purse together feeling with the night’s events fading into the background of the rest of the day as I rushed for the door. 

I was halted in my tracks by Will, coming from the dark of the basement; he grabbed my already tender wrist as I was walking past the hallway to get my shoes.

Drawing me close to whisper to remember what he told me last night. He gruffly barked out that he would have people watching me and he may stop by unannounced as well so I better be a good girl.

He let go. I felt my throat tighten, tears springing into my eyes. He kissed my forehead, “I love you!” he said, staring at me, waiting for me to return the comment.

“I said I love you Mel! What do we need to have a repeat of last night?” He snarled.

“No, Will sorry my throat hurts a bit. I love you.” I murmured, trying not to come off snarky.



He never came into the store. Nor do I believe he ever had anyone watching me at the shop.

Sick


July 2007

Remember I mentioned earlier that I was tired all the time and not feeling well? About two months later after many interesting events that would forever change our lives, in July I had gotten very sick. 

After about a week I went in to the doctor. While I was at the office, I was informed my temperature was over 102 and my blood pressure was terribly low. The doctor took a peek in my throat as it was killing me, he winced, while looking and he informed me that it was pus filled and bloody!

He announced that in my present condition that he could not authorize me to leave by myself. If forced to he would have me picked up by ambulance.

At this time, I am panicky because I was unsure how Will was going to handle the news. Surprisingly he decided to pick up me up and he would take me to the hospital as soon as possible. The doctor had made arrangements for me have a room as soon as I could. I wanted to make sure the kids saw me before I went to the hospital. 

The week long hospital stay was miserable for me, my throat hurt to talk, to yawn, eat and drink. Will called me all the time and he was furious that I wasn't talking to him. He was also upset that I was on vacation from my duties.

A nasty infection had spread through me like wild fire! In some ways it did fell like a vacation, but I was worried about the kids. Leaving the kids alone with Will was not something I was thrilled about.

Two days later I had gotten several bits of news regarding my condition. The first is that I was going to have my tonsils out after a few months of healing and the second bit of news came as a big blow.

I was informed I had HSV2.

Herpes Simplex Virus 2.

I was floored! I cried but at same time I was not surprised. I worried about STD’s after swinging and the second wife incident and had gotten tested for STD’s over the last few years prior. Only two things I could think of is that my ex was seeing someone else or the second wife crazy episode left me with cooties.

When I broke the news to Will, he was less than happy. He was mad! At me!

He threw plenty of accusations of me having an affair and he continued to berate me. He said, if it was something he picked up then why wasn't he sick? I felt that it was my fault. My journey to find someone seemed to have back fired.

wasn't seeing anyone or fooling around with anyone. I was able to get my tonsils out after I recovered from the infection. But my spirit felt bruised.

About two months later my abuser had symptoms of HSV2.

Despite my protests and denial of affairs. It all fell on deaf ears. Since the diagnosis I was called a slut, whore and interrogated repeatedly. For some reason I was to blame.

I had a new added complex problem to an already volatile situation.  

To make matters worse the girlfriend from the crazy episode had come back into the picture. Will had called her to tell her off about the STD and to let her know I was in the hospital.

After several more insane situations between her and Will. I was able to come to terms that there is no way he was going to change. There was no way I was going to stay in this marriage.



Rock bottom believe it or not was now.

*I would later discover Lyme Disease opened a doorway for my cooties. Unbeknownst to me my resistance had been lowered allowing me to feel sick. The stress also contributed to my illness.