October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.
This is my 9th October since I left my abuser.
It is bittersweet. It still hurts, though; less intense as it had when I first left.
The deep impact of the intense feeling of loss, hurt and fear have ebbed greatly. The phrase, “Time heals all.” has profound meaning to me.
I’m not who I was when I first left. I consider myself stronger. I feel I have grown into a woman. Does that make sense?
I feel as though I am actually living my life rather than going through the motions. Life has it’s complexities of normal up’s and down’s and that’s ok! I’ll take it!
I moan and groan now on my social media about how I’m under attack from battling Lyme Disease. There are no longer posts about my “Never ending divorce”.
My feeds are filled with happiness. Beauty. Love. Bliss.
I feel true to my feelings. I’m unafraid to show the real me. The good, the bad and ugly.
Does this mean I don’t still deal with my ex? Heavens! I still do, but not as much or barely than I did before. Now, I hear bits and pieces from friends and family that state him and his partner have taken to cyber stalk me. He is potentially taking me to court because I told him that I did not allow him to file tax exemption for our girls in 2015.
Prior to this we had an agreement, yes, believe it not we did speak civilly on a few occasions. Our agreement was since he was behind in taxes that I would just claim the girls. According to our agreement if he was in arrears he wouldn’t be able to claim them. He is in arrears A LOT.
I know this annoys me. But what really frosted my cake was the HIGH probability that he now knows our physical address that was supposed to be hidden from him. How was it found out? His attorney sent a letter to discuss the matter and our address was listed. I was livid! I am saddened that my ex’s partner is insisting for visits from the girls. Technically, both girls are adults. She is not aware or does not want to know our past.
I am dynamite to my ex. If his new wife is privy to how explosive our relationship was and the castle of lies he has built to destroy me and glorify himself, which would be dangerous to that relationship.
At the same time, I am dumbfounded that this man makes $60,000.00+ and a majority of that is under the table and he may take me to court?! I made $8,000.00 last year. GRRFACE! Did I mention I stopped working? Mr. Awesome wants me to heal at home. I really need this.
My relationship with my eldest Son is coming along wonderful and it feels like a HUGE blessing! Besides this new development, my life is amazing.
No, I am still unsure what way my business is going to go, orwhere my life purpose is.
I got to tell you it’s still sweet. Despite the hardships that went on.
It was worth it.
So, Dear Blog reader,
If you are reading this, please take heart that it will get better. It takes a long time to get there, be patient. You’ll get there.
Much love and safety to you. Not sure where to begin to plan to leave? Check out this for Safety planning- Survival-or-Personal-Go-Bag
If you are in an abusive situation contact your local shelter or www.thehotline.org or call 1−800−799−7233. If you are a loved one that knows a person in an abusive situation, please be patient. Listen, respect and be a shoulder to this person. They are on a roller coaster of fear. They may not know which way is up right now. Just being there is so helpful!